Anders

Clarence, a creepy, crusty-looking candy chemist with a fondness for alliteration is about to launch his new fiber-filled, nutty nougat bar. It is will be launched on Valentine's Day this year. He is so excited about his new candy that he can't help but rub his hands together like an evil scientist. There are many fans of Clarence's candy who adore him, however there are some who suspect that he might very well be evil. Clarence has a plan to get all of the profits. In fact, he hired a group of prophets to help him maximize his profits. The group of consultants are called the Future Finding Five Fellas. The cash-craving, creepy, crusty-looking candy chemist and his consultants decide to sell the candy on eBay only and cover his costs with ridiculous shipping and handling fees. Since no one really understands handling fees, Clarence will drive up the price with handling charges. The date was Friday, February 13th, and Clarence still needed two million more bars sold on eBay to make his extraordinary profits. The nougat frequently jams his machines, and he got behind on the production. His plan would target lazy and forgetful men who were looking for a last minute gift. The overnight shipping charges would add thousands of dollars to his profits, or so he thought.

Clarence called a board meeting with the prophets to show them his projected profits for the first quarter. Clarence wheeled out a poster that he made out of cardboard, macaroni and glue. He was not very advanced in creating presentation, and the prophet group looked on in disbelief. - He will make a late-night commercial to introduce the product - He plans to spam the email of men around the world Now, this might sound like a terrible plan to sell tons of candy, but Clarence believed it would work. Three years later, Clarence looked back on this day and said that it was the worst plan ever, but for now, he was optimistic that he would sell millions of candy bars and be very rich.

Now, Clarence still has his candy company, but he had lost tons of money when his plan for the fiber-filled nutty nougat bar failed horribly.

"You're not going to believe this, but I cannot get a flu shot today because I have to catch a flight to England because I have to babysit my brother's fish, Armando!" I told him with fake tears in my eyes. My doctor, Larry Gumpert, M.D., looked at me with his bushy, squirrel tail-like eyebrows drooping over his eyes. He didn't believe me. I continued, "You see, ummmm....my brother, Trent, who lives in Stoke-on-Trent, hired a retired Amish schoolmaster from Japan who fired himself to take care of his fish. This guy, Earl Newby, had his own fish. He had no money to buy a tank for his own barracuda named Pablo. He never fed Armando, so my brother's salmon grew old and tired. He began to eat the rocks at the bottom of his tank out of desperation." Dr. Gumpert stared at me in disbelief and nodded, "Um hum...yeah." My doctor spun his chair around in circles to get the vaccine and needle. "Wait. Wait. Wait. Now see here, Gumpert! You don't understand how much my brother and this fish sitter quarrel. Sometimes, when my brother comes home from begging on the streets, he just goes up to Earl and start a slapping fight!" I shouted. I jumped down from the table and started to think about going for the HAZMAT suit that they had on display at the front desk. Dr. Gumpert tried to corner me in the room because he thought I was about to run after I jumped off the examination table. I frantically explained, "My brother calls this guy all kinds of insulting names; lazy sack, cotton-headed ninny-muggins, nincompoop, and others names of which I don't even want to know!" Dr. Gumpert stuck the needle on the end of his cane. I knew he meant business. He wasn't buying my outlandish story. Although I could run, some other doctors saw what I was doing. They saw Dr. Gumpert trying to give me a shot. So, they block the hallway to the checkout line. Gumpert jabbed me with the needle in the arm. I screamed and sank into a corner.

I wish all children had homes and had enough food because I feel bad for all of the kids who are homeless and starving in developing countries like Iran and Pakistan. I think that if all of these children had homes, it would help develop the country because the homes would help make an image of a town, so the country would have more places if they built towns, and so more tourists would come and increase the economy. I think food would help the children because some of them are starving, and if they had enough food, it would give them energy to help fight off deadly diseases. I hope that this wish of mine comes true soon, so the American troops in places like Afghanistan can come home and leave the responsibility to the people of the country.

For my New Year's Resolution, I think I need to process things faster so I'm not so slow at doing things.The reason that this is my resolution is because sometimes I think that my brain wanders away from what I'm supposed to do, and it always takes me forever to do things. I also think I need to work on my processing speed because I think it will help me learn and help improve my writing. I plan to improve my processing speed by making sure I pay attention in class, going to bed early so I feel more rested, and learning more things outside of school so I have to use my mind. Finally, I hope I have a successful plan, now I need to put it in action!

This manly silk sweater made in China is the best sweater that we offer for a low price. With this sweater of manliness all of your golfing buddies will be saying, "Nice sweater man!" while you hit your drive. Therefore, I think that to keep you happy, you should buy this silk sweater for you and your manly friends, and don't forget to buy this sweater NOW for a low price of 999.99!

Dear Trent, Thank you for being a hilarious brother and great influence for the past ten years. I really look up to you for advice on what to do in my life and how to do it. I think you are the coolest person ever and I want to follow in your footsteps and be awesome like you. Also, thank you for comforting me when I'm sad and always being there for me. I hope you are having a good time at Chapel Hill, despite you having to move out of your dorm. I miss you. Love, your brother, Anders/Flanders

If I could switch places with any one in the world it would be Bill Gates because he is one of the smartest and powerful people in the world. I would also want to be someone high in government (but not too high) because I'm allowed to make big decisions and have some influence over the country. I can't choose between the two because they both sound very nice.

Dear, the rest of the Plant Cell, I'm having a great time vacationing down in Fiji where the resident cells serve you ice cold sugar smoothies, yell "aloha!" when you pass by them and they never, ever, yell at you for not doing your job. Life here in Fiji is all good, although it gets a little bit lonely. Anyway, send me a letter about how you guys are doing. One more thing, and this is for you Nucleus, I want a warm welcome, not a "where were you!"

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